She'd Like To Know, What If...??

Mary met Michael when she was in junior high, she was 14. Mary and her best friend were walking across the hall when they saw a new kid everyone talked about. Michael was walking alone toward them, he hasn't make a friend yet. In a slightest chance, Mary caught Michael's eyes was glanced to her for a few seconds before he passed her. She didn't think of anything until almost the end of the day, she was in the same chemistry class with Michael and she found him did the same thing again.

That day, the teacher asked them to find a partner to collaborate in a chemistry project. Mary saw that her best friend already left her for another person. Mary was disappointed and she sat by herself, she was waiting for someone asked her to be her partner. She was surprised when Michael came and said, "can I sit with you?". She began to think to say something when Michael added, "please, I don't know anybody here." And she nodded.

He pulled out a stool, reached out his hand and ready to shook Mary's hand. She stared at him, like she must have made aquainted before him as a polite manner but she didn't. ah, never mind, Mary thought.

"hi, I'm..." as his hand encompassed hers.

"I know who you are"  he finished with a big smile, one she would later miss.

The moment passed, the sparks between them was kinda blurry after that. They didn't become friend or else. When seldom was found they stared at each other and didn't know what to do. And it became a habit for them. As Mary convinced herself that there was nothing going on between them, but the thought of him already captured her mind. She couldn't help herself but wonder, what's behind those lovely eyes? why his lips are still shut when his eyes seems like saying something?

Mary and Michael were remain in the same phase after a few months. Her best friend once told her that she eavesed drop some girls were talking about Michael, in regard to that she said "that boy is sprung on you, biatch! why do you think he makes stupid eye contact with you all the time?". Mary dropped a sarcasm laugh, "naaahh.. I don't think so. I think he has something in his eyes that never left". but her mind questioned, is it really like that?

One weekend, Mary was in a park. She was half way heading home from a bookstore nearby. She sat in a bench, reading her new book when her eyes met a familiar figure passed her by. She didn't think at first, it was a complete impulsive action when she shouted, "Hey, Michael !". Michael turned his body and saw Mary was waving at him. He smiled. She never regret her impulsive action because, well, none of them thought that afternoon would be captivating. Michael sat beside her and they began to talk, revert to the previous easy talk at chemistry class. Michael asked about the book Mary read. She showed her novel by Nicholas Spark, titled Message In A Bottle. "Isn't it an old story? I think I saw the movie years ago." said Michael. She agreed, "yea, I like dusty book, the story never gets old, only the author does". They laughed.

Suddenly the clouds covered the sky and thunder began to blast. "it's gonna rain", said Michael. But no one moved. In silence, Mary knew she hate to end this rendezvous. Michael turned his head and looked at her in a way she never thought he would. And she felt something weird inside her chest. Her heartbeat was jumping upside down. It was really uncomfortable yet, she enjoyed it.

"I'm kinda hungry, do you want to grab something to eat? McDonald is across the street." Michael pointed the yellow big smiling McDonald statue. She couldn't do anything but said, "ok" cheerfully.

Between a big mac and double cheese burger, between strawberry and chocolate milk shakes, they fell into a connection they couldn't resist. The rain poured out from the sky. Mary was looking some pedestrians running around the street outside, tried to escape from the rain. She also knew Michael was staring at her while he chewed his food. Minutes gone, his gaze was killing her so she decided to break it.

"hey, stop it. I saw you did the same thing yesterday in the hallway"

"what?"

"that staring thing." she pointed Michael's eyes.

He laughed and said, "really? well, I think I have something in my eyes. It never go away, so disturbing".

She didn't think it was hilarious. She just found the sound of his laughter, ringing softly in her ears. And she remembered she told the same thing to her best friend. Both of them stalled off the truth.

"well, we should do this again." Michael turn off and started new topic.

"what?"

"this. us, going out. I like it." He looked like he meant every word of it.

"yea, sure"

"there's a cool place in the mountain I'd like to take you one day" He finished the line with a big grin.

Mary realize that she was blushing. That moment, as she drank her strawberry milk shake, she never had a taste as sweet as this one.

For Mary and Michael, none of them knew that was the only chance for them to get together. Before they even finished their meal, Michael's cell phone rang. Something happened with his mom so he needed to go home right away. Michael never told Mary what was happening. "I'm so sorry, Mary. I have to go now", as he rushed out from the chair. She just stared at him as he walked away through the rain. On monday, as she walked in the school yard, she didn't know that Michael was gone. Rumors said that Michael transferred to another school, it was quick and no body knows what happen. He left an unfinished conversation that he was the only one who could fill the blank, so was her heart. In the end, she knew her crush was over.

Years later,

Today Mary is graduating from collage. She's going to a graduation party that her friend held at a beach house. She come with her boyfriend, who she dates for a couple years. The room was crowded when she came. "who are these people? I don't think I know them all" Mary's shouting in her bf's ears as the music is too loud. "who cares? Its a party" her bf reply. Her bf wrap his arm around her tightly and kiss her cheek the way he always does, the way she always loves. He's right, who cares.

As they entering the room, Mary's eyes scanning the whole room. And her eyes met a form she knew a long time ago. She find herself hard to believe her eyes when she think of all the places in the world, she would see that boy again today, in this place. Mary find Michael is playing stick on a pool table with some guys. Michael's face doesn't really change so much so she still recognize him. So does her heart. Mary tell her bf she need to go to the powder room, actually she wants to catch her breath.

In the middle of the party, Mary still haven't have a chance to meet Michael eye to eye, they didn't bump into each other either. When Mary came out from the powder room, Michael was no longer at that pool table. Mary and her bf mingled in the crowd, few hours later Mary got tired. She excused herself from a group she and her bf crashed into. She go outside and walk to the beach.

She was still at the porch when she finally meet Michael. Both of them were surprise. Mary caught his eyes toward hers and saw a glance of a bit shock. In that moment, they shook their hands one more time as two long lost people. Michael asked Mary where she was going, she said she was gonna go to the beach. He offered companion, Mary didn't refuse. And they walk side by side once again.

They're sharing stories as they're walking away. Nice and easy. The farther they go, the memories of their youth comes up to the surface. Michael tell her what happen a long time ago. That he had to flew to England immediately because his father a had heart attack and die. He apologize for his sudden absence.

"I don't know, Mary, is it a coincidence or God just give me a second chance to make it right with you", said Michael as he stop and turn to Mary. "to say that I was sorry"

"Enough with the apologize, why do you have so say it many times?"

"Because I promised you, that I'd like to take you out." he pause. "back then, I think I had a..."

Mary's not giving Michael a chance to finish his sentence as she see his black eyes staring at her deeply, pierce to her heart. She know she doesn't want to hear it. Whatever comes out from that sweet little lips that been sealed for years.

"I know. But it doesn't matter. It was a long time ago"

Michael turn away and start to walk again. Mary hear Michael take a deep breath, its more like a sigh that contains pain. "you right. It was", he added.

"Let's go back to the house. Its late"

It is her decision to stop moving backward. She loves her bf so much and this time she wants to go to her loved one. Time can not bring back what left behind. There was a time when Mary had a crush on Michael, there was a time when she wander what would happen if Michael took her to the mountain. What would happen if Michael never left? There was a time when she dreamt of how good they would make if they were together.

Mary has moved on. In the end, there's always an unspoken word between them. And after all, time can not erase the question Mary has in mind, that she would like to know,what if....??

Regards,

Kezia Mamoto