(still) miss you..

When the night has come
and the land is dark,
when the moon is the only light we'll see...
look at the stars;
can you count them?
I miss you that much.
-Author Unknown

One of these days I received an "I miss you" text and I also saw people update their facebook status and typed something about I miss you with an eklamation point. And I began to think, what it really means? What to yearn for and why? Sometimes having lots of people and good friends around you won't help much. You are grateful that they are there for you, to make you feel better. That's exactly the case when everything won't be enough. There are those days when you miss someone more than you are used to. Somehow you feel things goes wrong. And those people around you won't be able to stop this anxiousness and desperation because they're not the reason for this. Something is just plain incomplete.

People come and go in our life. Sometimes they disappear like a sudden whoosh and the other time slower and in painful manner kind of way. Disappear in other words, the absence of a person whom no longer we have access to. Whether in physical basis or just a thought that lead to incomplete feeling. There might be something there.

Sometimes it's more than just a thought. All you need is just to look them in the eye, hear their voice, lean on them and feel that they are there. But sometimes it's impossible. In the other way, you might miss someone even you just see each other few hours ago or just finished talk over the phone. Missing someone is never about how long it has been since you have seen them last. It also isn’t related to the amount of time you spent with them lately. Somehow it is about this very moment. Right here and right now, when you are doing something and wish that they were right there with you. But they are not.

The people missed are those that have at one way or another successfully imprinted their mark on a person. One who has filled up a space hearts and mind which no-one can replace. Once that person leaves that space, there’s a void spot that creates a feeling of emptiness. Missing is truly about 'me' and not them because unless told, they have no idea the mark they have left. To feel this, a certain kind of attachment or connection must have been made, which disrupts the routine of an individual when removed from the picture.

Missing someone is about a certain needs of an attatchment, a drive to satisfaction of pleasure and the loss caused by separation. That led to "attatchment theory" in developmental psychology (John Bowlby and  Mary Ainsworth), means the tendency to seek closeness to another person and feel secure when that person is present. The concept of attachment refering to a continous tie to a specific person. According to psychoanalysis, Freud on clinical level clearly recognises that "missing someone who is loved and longed for...(is)...the key to an understanding of anxiety" (Freud, 1926. p 136-137). Once attachment to a caretaker occurs, then separation anxiety ("missing someone") can develop. Separation anxiety appears when the subject experiences separation as a more or less irreversible object-loss.

Some people like the drama of missing someone, it's like being in a romantic and melancholy occasion. It gives a feeling of being human, that they posses emotion by not being cold and detached from the world. The drama itself includes the sadness, dwell on the empty space and refusing to move on. And sometimes saying "I miss you", in a deep clear statement, isn't enough because you drown in a pain that hurt too much.

People said, there's a good remedy called distraction. It happen when your mind and heart learns to fill-up the empty space. By finding a replacement, it can be another person or new hobby. But for me, personally, it's like having a glass that is not half-empty, it's always half-full when the missing-part is felt.

One of these days the world seems to be in the darkness over many sleepless nights. One of these days I want to cry but I can't and a heart is a form of death. One of these days the thought of you has become a toxin in my brain, swelling from tremendeous pain. One of these days I want to be in your arms and never let go. And one of these days I realise that I still miss you so much and wish that you miss me too.

Regards,

Kezia mamoto