Friday, October 29, 2010
How are you? Are you ok?
Sure! I'm fine. Really. There nothing's the matter with me. Nothing. I'm good. Everything is fine. Everything is good. No worries. You think I'm crying? No, no. I just have something in my eyes. It'll be out in a minute. I'm fine, you know. Just stop asking, k?! No, no. I'm not lying. I'm fine. I'm good. Stop asking.
Sorry, what did you say? I wasn't pay attention. Oh, no no.. I'm fine. A little out for awhile but I'm fine. Well, you seemed so over-talk so I just need a time to absorbed everything you've said. But I'm fine now. Nothing's wrong, k?! I thought we already finish with that. Do I make myself clear, It's fine. I'm fine. See?
I'm not myself? I'm fine. It's nothing! Seriously, stop interrogating. You just make it worse. Stop it. I'm fine. I'm not making excuses. I'm trying to explain. Don't you just believe me? I'm fine! Why don't you ever listen? See, you're not listening. I'm telling the truth. Why should I talk to you? You just refuse to trust me. I'm fine. Stop asking and leave me alone. Shut up, will you?!
Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. I was just so frustrated trying to explain it to you. Now, just stop asking. I'm fine. I'm good. Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. Everything is good. Perfect. Life is great. I promise. There's nothing to tell. Let it go, would you? Drop it.
Let's talk about something else. I'm sorry, It's fine, fine. I'm fine. I don't care. I promise. But its not important. What about you, How are you? Are you ok?
...
Don't you ever tired of people asking "how are you?" or "what's wrong with you?" and the well-manner would be an answer like this, "I'm fine"?
Fine.
Well-said but I, personally detest it. Given the following scenario above, tell me a reason why the word "fine" does any good? Encountering that word frustrates me, or I don't know, maybe some people too. I'm not saying that all people are practically lying when they said, "I'm fine" or "Its fine". I just happen to find that people muttering that word to build a significant, impenetrable wall. A wall that say, I wanna shut you out! You know, just a 'leave me alone' part and being just 'okay' with those dark places behind the wall.
I think not-being-able to-talk-about-it, is one of the reasons why people say 'fine'. You know, we don't trust a person enough to tell the truth, share the real events and emotions. Or a person who asked is a person they barely knew, as a who-don't-really-know-me kinda person. The other reason would be, you know, you want to seem tough so people don't have to worry about you, until things are really really fine and you get it altogether. Sometimes, its not really comfortable to explore that word, avoid further questions. Its frustrating and scary when you start talking about it and turn out they're still don't understand. So eventually, we settled down into the feeling of what so-called 'fine'.
It bugs me so much that the word fine , most of the times, is so wrong and non-descriptive. Do you feel the same way when you say and hear the word fine?
QUESTION: Sometimes I tell people "I'm fine" and they don't believe me. Why not? ANSWER: Approximately 20% of your ability to communicate is verbal, leaving about 80% as non-verbal. Non-verbal communication includes tone of voice as well as facial and body signals. When our verbal and non-verbal signals do not match, most people will respond to the non-verbal.
2002 Russell P. Friedman, John W. James and The Grief Recovery Institute
As a teacher, I hear this simple kind of conversation every day with my students, or more time in one day that you could possibly thought.
How are you today?
I'm fine. Thank you.
It's like a default setting. And I hate myself every time I asked that question and hear the same answer over and over again. I'm guilty of it. The thing that we called 'virtue ethic' and don't give a rat-ass how are you.
John Bridger: How are you?
Charlie Croker: [shrugging] I'm fine.
John Bridger: Fine? You know what "fine" stands for, don't you?
Charlie Croker: Unfortnately, yeah.
John Bridger: Freaked out...
Charlie Croker: Insecure...
John Bridger: Neurotic...
Charlie Croker: And Emotional.
Charlie Croker: [shrugging] I'm fine.
John Bridger: Fine? You know what "fine" stands for, don't you?
Charlie Croker: Unfortnately, yeah.
John Bridger: Freaked out...
Charlie Croker: Insecure...
John Bridger: Neurotic...
Charlie Croker: And Emotional.
-The Italian Job
Regards,
Kezia Mamoto
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3 comments:
This is great, I honestly couldn't agree more!
It's so frustrating to hear "I'm fine" over and over, and probably even more frustrating to be the one saying it. I personally have struggled with anorexic feelings and it's just completely the natural and immediate response for me to say "no nothing's wrong, but thanks for caring!"
Keep up the great writing, it's really inspiring!
I dont like the "how are you doing" thing I dont like it becuse people always expect you to say youre good or fine. I hate it becuse strangers ask you as if they care, but realy they wouldnt know what to do if you said "bad" or would think youre jokeing. Ive been through some tough times and hate when people ask "how are you doing" cuse i wish i could tell them im doing teribly. I normaly dont awnser the question or ask it to strangers. I ask my close friends who i worry about and realy wana know how they are doing. I myself, would help a complete stranger but i know not everyone is nice
I have a couple of friends who will literally stop whatever they're doing if someone they care about says the word 'fine.' They never believe it.
I can definitely understand. A lot of the time, I drive people crazy because I won't answer when they ask me how I am. I spent my early teen years pretending I was okay when I was definitely NOT. So when I finally got back on track, I decided pretending wasn't worth it. But most of the time, people don't want to hear anything except for 'I'm fine,' when they ask. So I don't bother saying anything.
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